January 13, 2012

Be OK

Posted in Uncategorized tagged Friends, Music at 1:52 pm by letterstoelias

A number of years ago Elias and I were watching a fundraiser for cancer research on tv.  Stand Up 2 Cancer.

I’m pretty sure it was there that I heard this song for the first time.  Originally written about a break up – but this video and version of the song was done specifically for SU2C.  They wanted the video to convey the feeling of being supported by those around you, and I think they did a great job.  The people in the video were simply fans of a relatively unknown artist at the time, and I was immediately a fan of the song, and of the artist.  Elias too.

Ingrid Michaelson became a regular on our playlist.

I played one of her songs at his funeral.

I’ve posted them here before, but I don’t believe I had posted this one yet.

I was watching the video again yesterday, and it caught me in a different way.

Before I watched it from the ‘cancer’ perspective.  We were supported by people around us – friends, strangers, family, other cancer patients – all putting positive energy towards Elias’ health and survival.

After he died and the initial rush of supporters had faded (not at all long after) I was left with a few friends and family close to me helping me along the way – but I felt very much alone.  So. Very. Alone.

With some distance now I can see a bit more clearly – going from that huge sea of people to only a few, and of those almost no one knew what I was feeling – it’s no wonder I felt that way.

In time, however, I found a new community of support.  My widdas.

Who would’a thunk it?

All these other men and women who were suffering their own gut-wrenching pain, barely finding the ability to breathe, were there to support me?!  And (hopefully) I to support them?!  But somehow it works.

So, I post this today for all of those widdas (and my other friends and family) who have helped to hold me up the past (almost) three years.  Helping me know that I will Be Ok (broken parts and all).

And so will you.

 

~Chelsea

P.S.  I Love You

Permalink