July 8, 2009

No Check-In

Posted in Uncategorized tagged at 11:51 pm by letterstoelias

Hello my Love,

I know it’s been a few days since I’ve written – my first couple of nights here I couldn’t get my computer hooked up to the internet, then last night I fell asleep putting the girls to bed. The drive on Sunday was LONG, but we had good weather for it. I saw a bear. I figured you would appreciate that. Unfortunately, however, just under half way through the 12 hr drive we discovered that C decided she didn’t like sharp (or even somewhat sharp) corners any longer. Each time one came she would brace herself in her car seat and yell ‘Woah, woah, woah!’ and/or ‘Mama! Ma-MA!’ and cry. It was pretty funny at first, but made the last 6hrs of the drive a little tough. Oh yeah, and she also doesn’t like driving along cliffs. Do you know how many sharp turns and cliffs there are between Osoyoos and Cranbrook??? Plenty.

Anyhow, we had to take corners pretty slow and had to try and distract her attention away from the cliffs, but we made it. When we got here Mira was already in bed, but it was nice to see Bridie and John’s place. We were out in the yard just after arriving when my Mom said she had better call my Dad to let him know we had made it, and for a split second I thought to myself, ‘Yeah, I had better . . . . ‘ Oh. Right. No one to call. No one to check in with. Never mind. It’s always those little things that kick you in the stomach. I wish I could still check in with you. A few times I’ve thought about calling home to see how things are going – but my home is empty. Being away is good, but at the same time it’s weird because it almost feels like I’m just away from you because I’m here, and not because you’re gone. Some times it feels like maybe you’re still at home and you just couldn’t come because you were working, and if I call home and you’ll be there. As much as I know it’s not true, the fact that you are gone is just so unnatural to me it almost seems like it makes more sense – does that make any sense? I know you’ve been gone now for over 2 months but I’m still not used to it. I don’t think I ever will be.

The visit with Bridie, John and Mira has been good though. The weather has been . . . . odd. One minute it’s clear and the next it’s thunder and lightening. E enjoyed watching her first real storm though – I guess most of the thunder and lightening storms we’ve had happen at night so she had missed them all. We told her that Daddy was bowling and the thunder was the sound of you getting a strike and she thought that was pretty great. Bridie’s store is fantastic. It’s cute and fun and she has amazing things. Sure makes me want to open one of my own! It’s been great spending time with Mira – she changes so much every time I see her. She has the biggest smile and such a cute voice. We went to Kicking Horse River today for a picnic lunch and the girls were all loving throwing rocks in the river. Mira loved feeling the ice cold water on her hands too – C and E enjoyed testing it out once, but once was enough. I’ll have to post some pictures shortly. I looked over at E at one point and she was building a ‘rock tower’. It was a smaller scale version of the one you did two years ago that ended up taller than she was. I smiled as I knew it was a memory of you that inspired her to do it.

I finally received the insurance settlement for the mortgage. It’s not paid off in full but it was knocked down a fair bit (though again, I’d give it all back and more in a heartbeat . . . ). I still have some work to do with the bank to get it all sorted out, but at least I’m getting a better idea of what my budget will be like now. It’s been so difficult trying to figure it all out without knowing what my numbers are. I have to try and make sure what I do will be best for the girls and me financially and emotionally – I know you were terribly concerned about leaving us with huge debt, but I think we’ll be ok. Not a piece of cake, but ‘ok’. I’ve had some help from my Grandparents, and of course your Grandma helped us not long before you died, and all of that made a big dent in the debt.

As always, SO much more I wish to tell you, but again I should call it a night. Today was one of those days where I was feeling that life can be pretty crappy sometimes. Some things just don’t make sense to me at all. I was feeling very tired most of the day and both of the girls have been waking up quite early here. Its days like this where I should really sit back and give the girls an extra hug and extra love and be so thankful for them, but they were battling most of the day (C is really getting more vocal and physical with her displeasure in things these days . . . ), and C didn’t nap properly so she was extra grumpy, all of which just made me feel more frustrated and my fatigue didn’t help matters. Of course they get no shortage of love and hugs and kisses throughout the day, but I just didn’t have the energy I wish I had for them. I feel that a fair bit these days. Getting more sleep will help I suppose – so off to bed it is. I’m not sure how the drive home will be, but E had been in Bridie’s car on the way up so hopefully she’ll be able to help distract C on the drive home. You know how she loves a ‘task’.

~C~

P.S. I Love You

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2 Comments »

  1. Roads said,

    It’s so hard driving with little ones. You forget how much easier it is with two, when you have one to drive and one to do the distracting. My kids were pretty good at travelling — we did a lot, and so they got used to it — and we did a lot of singing.

    And, naturally, I still know the location of every layby off the M40 which is large enough to take a potty.

    It’s hard to manage all these things, but there’s a real strength when you succeed. You can build on that, day by day, and take it forwards.

    Best wishes from London, and spirits up.

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thanks, as always Roads. You level of understanding touches on many levels.
      Fortunately the drive home was much better with the two of them. The girls are quite used to being the road, with all the travelling to and from Elias’ appointmets – but this was by far the longest drive they’ve done, and now I at least I know a few ‘tricks’ for next time.
      ~C~


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