July 26, 2009

Rumble, Rumble, Crash, BOOM

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , at 12:39 am by letterstoelias

Hello my Love,

I had wondrous plans for the girls to drift peacefully and quickly off to sleep tonight after an eventful day, and I was therefore going to get an early start to writing your letter – but, as in many of life’s plans, things didn’t go quite as expected. . . .

Since I last wrote, most of the rest of the week was relatively uneventful, spent around the house and in the yard. I went to the Aspire orientation session on Wed afternoon, but I knew most of the information already from talking with friends who have gone through it and the website. Friday night was the Sea Cavalcade fireworks. My Dad had offered to take us down by the board office to watch them, but E had been up much of the night before with nightmares and C didn’t have a good nap in the afternoon, so they were both pretty tired and I figured we should skip it this year. I remember all of us going last year – E loved dancing to the ‘Twisted Strings’ music, but she hated the sound of the fireworks and just wanted to go home. C sat on your lap and was fascinated by it all. I could hear them quite well from home – and of course Cali was scared.  My dad got some nice shots on his flickr page.

This morning was the Sea Cavalcade parade. E had been asking for some time when the parade that she wears her costume in would be. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go in it, but she was very excited and I figured I could just walk down the street with the girls. My Mom offered to come with me, which was great because I was also trying to help take some photos for Dance Works. E was given the opportunity to hand out candy this year and took her job very seriously. We were asked by the parade committee not to throw the candy as usual, but to hand it out instead – most of the candy was still tossed, but E took the instructions to heart and made sure to go right up to people and hand it to them. It took a bit longer this way, and she would go up to a group of people and only give one or two of them candy, and she didn’t just give it to children – anyone got candy which was sweet. C did a mix of time walking, pushing the wagon, or being carried, but she seemed to enjoy it enough.

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E was also quite excited to see Pan (Peter Pan) and Dan (Captain Hook) from the show were walking with us in the parade, and they were on stilts. E was fascinated by it and liked to walk near them along the parade route.

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Just as last year we stopped at School road and watched the rest of the parade go by and E was happy to collect a bit of candy for herself and they liked having some of the parade to watch. I managed to get bad blisters again. Same shoes. Smart, I know. I figured last year it happened because they were brand new, and I did manage to walk all over Europe with them last summer with no problem, but there’s something about those shoes and this parade that don’t mix apparently. After the parade we went back to my parents place for lunch, and after that I put C down for a nap while my Mom took E back out to the ‘Family Fun Day’ events. That was something that I certainly didn’t feel up for. It’s hard to be around ‘family fun’ right now. Thanks to my Mom though, E was still able to go and get her face painted and ride the horse again. When she got back she was very excited to tell me that she didn’t even need to hold hands this time – she did it all by herself.

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As for the rest of the day, we had an ichat with Anthony and Kayla – she’s really running around now and said Mama for the first time today. We also had an ichat with Bridie – and they got a new puppy today! No name yet, but he’s really cute. Didn’t get a chance to chat with Peter and Ally this week, but their ichat status reads ‘no baby yet’. We stayed at my parents place for dinner and ate on the deck – it was a really hot day today. At one point the girls were playing in the yard and I was watching them, thinking to myself how much you would enjoy seeing that, when a stack of plastic pots beside me suddenly tipped over. My Mom laughed and said ‘Thanks Elias’, which is funny because I hadn’t told her what I had been thinking while watching the girls, and when the pots fell my first thought was that was you as well (something you would have been likely to do in person, so why not in spirit? =). She said that those pots have been there for weeks and nothing knocked them over. There was no wind and nothing else near them.

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‘The Professor’ (wearing Mr Potato Head glasses)

Sharing Flavors

Sharing Flavors

After a couple of creamsicles we headed home. Things were looking pretty good for that smooth bedtime, until the storm hit. Lightening and thunder like I don’t believe I’ve ever heard. At first it was just some low distant thunder which the girls were fine with, but then there was a couple of cracks right above the house that, I have to admit, even made me startle at first. The dog went into full panic mode and jumped onto the bed. E started crying. Initially C didn’t budge or make a sound, but the more E cried the more upset it made C – though all she really did was just look worried, shake her head and say ‘No, no, no’. I let Cali stay on the bed for a bit, but she was panting and shaking terribly and E thought it was the thunder making the bed shake and didn’t like it. I assured her it was just the dog, and managed to convince her that the sound couldn’t hurt her, it was just loud. She calmed down with relative ease, but the dog was a basket case. C was no longer scared, but they couldn’t seem to fall asleep and any time I moved a muscle C would get upset thinking I was leaving. I was getting frustrated as it was now almost 9:30 (we started going to bed at around 8pm) and I tried leaving the room to see if C would be tired enough to fall asleep without me – but no such luck. She just screamed.  Part of me was just done.  Tired.  Felt like just shutting the three of them in the room until they all fell asleep, but I knew that wouldn’t do any of us any good.

Finally, I decided that if I couldn’t fight it, join it – so I dragged the girls out of bed. We sat in the family room with all the lights off so we could watch the lightening and laugh when the big cracks of thunder hit. It worked great for the girls as we talked about how you must have been bowling and taking pictures at the same time (with a flash of course). We talked about the different sounds we heard from the thunder – rumble, rumble, Crack, BOOM! And we discussed the lightening as well. Cali, on the other hand was still freaking out and I wished I could give her one of your ativan’s. Then it occurred to me, we still had some of those pills from her surgery left over that the vet gave us to keep her calm. We would use them on Halloween too when she was scared by fireworks and people coming to the door all the time. I found them, and though the instructions call to give ½ pill, I forgot that I would usually just give her ¼ to take the edge off, and I went with the instructions. Within about 20mins or so it started to kick in, which was great, as at that time I was also working on getting the girls back to sleep. They finally fell asleep, and shortly thereafter the storm subsided as well, though I think I can still hear some far off rumbles now and then. I feel badly for Cali, as now she is super dozy from the pill and the storm is over. But, I figured if I didn’t do something that she may end up having a heart attack. I think it was the most scared I’ve seen her – but I still feel bad for ‘drugging’ the dog.  At least she’s resting peacefully now. It was quite a storm – and I suppose it probably caused a few problems for the other Sea Cavalcade festivities in town . . . but I have to admit, I have always enjoyed a good thunder storm.

Anyhow, I’m pretty bagged now from the day and am going to try and get some sleep. It’s supposed to be another hot day tomorrow – at least the yard was well watered with all the rain tonight. I miss you with every breath I take, and sometimes it takes my breath away. I was glad that during the parade I was so focused on watching E and carrying C that we were at the end (for us) before I knew it, but it’s still hard to see all these happy, complete families and to feel your absence so deeply. I remember calling you at work while walking in the parade last year to tell you how it was going, and hearing you laugh when I described how E was dancing and running down the street. I remember you meeting up with us at the ‘Family Fun Day’ and taking pictures of E on the horse. I remember watching the video from the parade with you, and you cracking up even more to see what I had been describing by phone earlier that day. They are happy memories, but its bitter sweet as they were a year ago – a lifetime ago – and the last time for you to experience that with us. I miss us.


P.S. I Love You


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