August 1, 2009

Mild relief

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , at 12:25 am by letterstoelias

Hello My Love,

Today was fortunately not quite as hot as it has been the past few days. Still pretty warm, but more bearable as there was a slight breeze and some light clouds. I wanted to share the photos from recent days that I had planned to put in the last post, as well as some from an ‘impromptu’ photo shoot I did tonight before putting the girls to bed.

July 09 330July 09 334July 09 337July 09 336July 09 367Copy of July 09 362Copy of July 09 375Copy of July 09 376

(I obviously didn’t spend much time editing the photos, but I think they turned out ok)

I also wanted to share that I found out what class E will be in for pre-school, and she was able to get into the larger class where we know at least a few of the kids already. Of course once I mentioned it to her she suddenly started to cry and said she didn’t want to go to school, she wanted to stay home. This was a first. We’ve talked about it plenty before with no problems. I’m planning on taking her down to the school sometime in August to see the place and meet the teacher before it begins, and I’m sure once she sees it there won’t be a problem, but we’ll see. She was quite cute today when we were making a snack – she is like you in that she will choose eating an apple over popcorn. She said that you were the ‘fruit man’ and that you would be proud of her for eating an apple instead of popcorn. C stuck with me and the popcorn, though she did manage to get a few bites off of E’s apple too. . . . that is, until E decided she didn’t want to share any longer so C bit her instead. There’s something that needs a bit of work. C has taken to pinching and occasionally biting E. We always told E that eventually C would fight back. That day has come. C always immediately gives E a hug, kiss, and tries to dry her tears, and then she tries to act all cute and silly. I’m sure it’s likely just another phase and hopefully, for E’s sake, it will pass soon.

My butterfly came again today. It almost landed right in front of E and me in the back yard, until she started running after it. There are plenty of white butterflies and moths around – but as I said yesterday this one, or the ones I’ve spotted recently have really unique black markings and I’m trying to google it but haven’t seen one quite like it yet. Maybe I can catch a photo of it one of these days.  I’m also reading a book written by a young 9/11 widow called ‘The Alchemy of Loss’, which has a butterfly on the front (pictured next to my home made iced capp – thank goodness I don’t have to pay $3/day for my new found addiction), as the butterfly also symbolises transformation – here it’s wife to widow – and what comes of it all. I also forgot to mention yesterday that E was quite excited that I managed to catch a dragonfly in her net. She got to have a pretty decent look at it, and even tried to hold it before it flew away. I love her appreciation and fascination with nature. She’s not afraid to hold most bugs now. C doesn’t get quite as dirty as E does, but she’s growing in comfort with it – it wasn’t that long ago that she wouldn’t even walk on the grass barefoot, so she’s come a long way. Those girls mean the world to me.

July 09 341

(yes, I am drinking out of the measuring cup I made it in – why dirty a glass??  I’m classy)

Now that most of the pre-made dinners people had been given me have run out, I’ve been cooking more lately. I made a dinner tonight that I thought you would be quite proud of – I got ridiculously ambitious and decided to try and make risotto. Not an easy task when it requires so much attention and the girls are running around the house, but I got it done with only a little stuck to the bottom of the pot. You always made amazing risotto and it was one of my favourite meals. It was nowhere near the level of yours, but it actually turned out pretty darn good. I made it with spinach and cherry tomatoes. E loved it and ate a bunch – though she was a little surprised afterwards when I told her it had lots of onions in it too. C ate a bit, but she was tired from another wakeful night and short nap today. I guess I did learn a thing or two from you over the years though. I’m happy about that. I made some pretty great scrambled eggs this morning too, with feta cheese and red pepper. I have so far to go though. I really want to be able to give the girls great food all the time like you used to. But I also have to forgive myself a little too I think. Even you would make simple, quick, ‘slightly, less nutritious food once in a while. I’ve often thought that I could cut down on the amount of organics we eat to help save on the grocery bills, but I don’t know if I can go there just yet. The quality and global impact is something that I don’t think I can sacrifice too much at this point – I’ll just have to see how it goes I guess. There are a few things I can let go of, but not all. I’ve also managed to get through all this cooking without cutting myself just yet (knock wood), though there have been some very close calls. I still do the ‘hand back’ chopping that you used to think was hilarious – but only once in a while, and I believe overall my knife skills are improving somewhat. I think I may try to make the girls and I some of those vegetarian rice krispie squares one of these days, and I’d like to ‘try’ baking more too – E always loved doing that with you.

July 09 357

I didn’t plan to write quite so much tonight, more just to share the photos – but whenever I sit down to ‘talk’ to you, I just want to tell you everything. How I wish it was real. How I wish you were here. How I miss you. It’s so hard. It’s so lonely. It’s so quiet. It hurts. A lot. Right foot, left foot, right foot, left foot . . . . . . .

~C~

P.S. I Love You

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1 Comment »

  1. Roads said,

    Yes, one foot in front of the other. It gets you there in the end, if slower than you’d like.


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