November 15, 2009


Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 9:24 pm by letterstoelias

Hello My Love,

I had actually planned a much better letter for today.  I started writing it last night, but was too sleepy to finish it off and was trying to be responsible and go to bed at a more decent hour for once.  Still, I managed to wake up with an excruciating headache today.  I seem to be getting them a little more often again.  And no amount of water to drink, advil, or my magic bag provided much relief.

I managed to get the grocery shopping done (with a little company at the store) and after lunch the girls and I snuggled in to finish watching an IMAX HD documentary on dolphins, and watch the one on mountain gorillas (I think I’d give up the TV entirely if it wasn’t for the nature channel).  I tried to rest my eyes a little and when it was over the girls were contentedly playing.

As was the case I decided to continue resting on the couch a little hoping to help the headache.  They would come and talk to me every couple minutes anyway so I figured I wouldn’t actually fall asleep.  Of course, however, they managed to find an ‘activity’ entertaining enough that they didn’t feel the need to come over to the couch to chat, and I guess I was just done in enough that I did doze off.

When I woke up, all seemed normal.  I don’t believe it was too long that I was actually asleep for.  I went to go to the washroom and was stopped in my tracks when I saw the bathroom counter and sink covered in blue ink.  As was the soap.  And the towel.  When I walked back into the family room to ask what had been going on, it was then that I noticed their art table.  Almost completely covered in a wash of blue ink (with a little red thrown in for good measure).  The few spots that weren’t completely covered had nice big complete blue handprints.  There also happened to be a little ink on the wall to go with it.  I must have been pretty out of it as this all happened not more than 10 feet from me.

E explained to me that they were having fun with the felts.  And she added, ‘but we washed our hands after . . . ‘.  Serves me right I suppose.  If it was just C I could see it, but E has never really been one to do that sort of thing.  I was pretty surprised.  But, luckily it all came off fairly easily and for the most part it was contained to  just their art table, designed for ‘art’ afterall.  I feel like I shouldn’t have let it get to me so much as in the end it didn’t do any harm, but it still put me in a bit of a grumpy mood, however, as I still had the headache.  It made me wish I had been suckered in to buy the ice cream that was on sale . . .

Anyhow, I was able to get dinner on at a reasonable time and the girls ate a bunch and at a faster pace than the usual prolonged dining experience.  As such, I was able to get them ready for bed quite early and we had some extra time for lots of reading, which was nice.  C picked a book off the shelf that I had never even seen before.  I don’t even know where we got it from.  We have SO many books, and get many from the ‘Spark!’ program, but I don’t think it was one of those.  It was about a little girl growing up with her Grandpa, and how they used to watch the orca whales every summer together.  After many years the Grandpa dies, the day the whales finally came, and the mom tells the little girl that her Grandpa’s spirit is jumping and diving with the whales.  They don’t see the whales again for some time, and of course, the next time she sees the whales in the summer, there is a baby whale there.  It was a nice story, and I think E really enjoyed it as she recalled seeing the orcas in Alaska and thinking of you having sent them to her.

Both the girls have started ‘talking to you’ at night again, which is nice.  For a while E decided she didn’t want to – she found it difficult to talk to someone not there.  Understandable.  I didn’t force the issue.  But, for whatever reason she has started again, which started C doing it again too.  She’s turning into quite the chatterbox now (go figure) and I can actually understand most of what she has to say to you.  It’s so fun to hear what is on her little mind.  E talks about how much fun you must have had watching her doing whatever it was she was doing that day, and how much you must have been laughing.  And tonight I loved that she added, ‘You’re the best Daddy in the whole wide world!’  But it’s hard not to cry hearing that.  Even now, typing it.

I am working in town tomorrow and have to be on the 6:20 ferry.  This will be the first day trip over that I haven’t brought the girls in a long time – since long before you died actually.  We’ve usually come over and stayed over with your parents on my ‘office’ days, but it didn’t work out this time, so this will be a long day away from them.  My mom is coming over to get them up and ready, then they’ll be with Sian for the rest of the day which is great.  Anna’s been a big help recently too, taking the girls to the parent-tot drop in on Wednesdays for the last few weeks and has been pitching in wherever else she can which has given my mom a little extra time off here and there and has been fun for the girls too.  She’s such a wonderfully sweet person.  I often think of how much you would have enjoyed getting to know them all more.

We went to Barb’s for dinner last night – and we met up with her and Dave first at Cliff Gilker park for a nice walk in the forest.  The water was running so fast through the creek – the fastest I’ve ever seen it, and it made for quite a few spectacular falls.  It was incredibly beautiful and I know you would have loved to see it like that.  I’m so grateful for where we live.  Dinner was great and she sent me home with a pile of leftovers which helps ease the cooking burden for a few nights.  It was nice to spend some time with her.  I forgot to mention in my last letter that I ran into John from the ferries at the library the other day.  It was nice for the girls to see him too, as we hadn’t seen him since the funeral.  He offered to come and take Cali for a walk sometime, which is really nice – it’s just too bad she’s such a pain in the ass sometimes.  It’s hard to know if it would be ok to let someone not used to her take her out . . . but it would be good for her and would help me feel a little less guilty that she doesn’t get out much anymore.

I also forgot to mention something that happened the other morning too – the girls had both climbed into bed with me at some point in the night/morning, and C was lying behind me.  She woke up first, as always, and was playing around a bit.  She took the neck of my t-shirt and pulled it down to look at my tattoo.   As she looked at it she said, ‘Ahhhh’ gave a little giggle, then said, ‘Daddy’ and gave it a kiss.  Then she did it all again.  It was so very sweet.  When I showed the girls the day after it was done, I had mentioned then that it was to help show how much I love Daddy, etc., but I’m never sure of how much C picks up – it’s so amazing to me just how much she really does get.

Anyhow, my other letter will wait for another day as I should start getting ready for my long day tomorrow.  I don’t even want to go into the kitchen right now though . . . it’s a disaster.  I seem to have run out of steam for keeping on top of things after the last few weeks of dealing with the girls illnesses.  I’m trying to keep the mindset that there are more important things in life than a clean house, but the chaos can be disconcerting at times too.  Ah well, it can wait for another day.

Thinking of you always, loving you more than ever,


P.S.  I Love You



  1. Joe said,

    On the bright side….when my parents left my brother alone at age 4, he found a can of red paint and painted the entire bathroom red – up to about 4 feet high… paint doesn’t wash off as easily as you would hope.

    Stay strong.


    • letterstoelias said,

      Thanks Joe – yes, the table and bit on the wall was certainly not as bad as that! Ouch . . .


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