January 17, 2010

No need for a plumber . . .

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , , at 11:17 am by letterstoelias

Hello My Love,

It feels like forever since I’ve written, though it’s only been a week.  It’s been an exhausting week in many ways.  Perhaps that’s why it’s felt so long.

This was my last week of Aspire workshops, so now I have three weeks of working on my business plan from home before it’s due, then one more week to prepare to present it to the committee.  It will be nice to have the freedom to work at it from home and not be tied into going to Sechelt every day (the 23min commute each way is a killer =), but I’m worried it may be tough to find the time to focus on it with the girls running around.  Still, it will be good to have a little more time around them again for a bit.  The workshops were incredibly valuable though, and we had such a great group of participants.

C and I have been sick all week, as was my Mom, which made it much harder on her to babysit.  She trooped it out though (with a little help from Mary Poppins and the like).  We’re down to just a nasty cough left, but the other night I had such a major coughing fit so bad I thought I cracked a rib.  My abs have been sore for two days now, and I sure hope that, if nothing else, I get at least a little more definition in my stomach muscles out of this.  The cough is exhausting.   Thankfully E seems to have passed most of it by.

Missing you has been strong this week (as usual), but being exhausted and sick doesn’t help.  I get tired of being tired.  The pain of missing you is terribly wearing.  A few other things this week just magnified it too.  Ryan’s condition has recently worsened recently, and that hit home hard.  I feel so much for his family, knowing too well what going through all that is like.  He’s still keeping that amazing outlook though – just as you did.  He even went on the news to share his story and try to encourage people to enjoy their lives and be thankful for what they have.  Again, not unlike your mission.

I found out I can fix a toilet – and for only $0.66 to boot!  Ok, so it was an incredibly simple fix, and my Mom was at the ready to jump in with her assistance as she’s fixed the odd toilet in her days, but I was glad to look after it myself.  At the time it broke I was annoyed that it was just yet another thing to deal with, but in the end it is a bit of a sense of accomplishment.  And today, as it wasn’t raining, I ‘patched’ the holes in the fence that the neighbor’s little dog (and bunny) keeps getting through.  Cleaning up Cali’s poop is more than enough for me.  I don’t need extra.  There were a few holes at the bottom, so I just moved some big rocks and scrap wood in front of them, and for the smaller ones i just piled up a little extra dirt to cover them.  I know it’s not a permanent solution – the fence looks like it will likely need a lot more work one day, but hopefully it will be enough fro now.  C seems really bothered every time she sees that dog (she starts yelling ‘white ‘og away!’) so perhaps it will at least put her mind at ease.

I’m hoping with this free time I’ll be able to get the house back in some sense of order too.  It worries me trying to figure out how I’ll keep up when the store opens, but I’m planning on getting a small deep freeze so I can spend the next few months making lots of food to freeze for easy dinners, so at least that will be taken care of for a bit.

There are many other things I wanted to write about, and I wanted to put up photos from Christmas but I can’t seem to get it working just now, so I’ll have to save that for another time yet again.  For now, I suppose then, I will leave you with a song.  I remember dancing with you to this song in your parents family room, not long before you died.  I could never have known exactly what it was like for you in the last month of your life – struggling with declining senses and physical abilities, but I hoped you felt you weren’t lost with me by your side (I know the first few lyrics are more like a break up song, but that aside I felt the rest applied at the time).  I remember you telling me how you felt safe as long as I was near.

Now when I hear the song, I think of it in a different way.  All the lyrics seem to apply as if it could be your words to me – unfortunately, including the part where you wouldn’t recognize the girl I am today.  Though I don’t have you here with me physically and I don’t get to feel you and your love first hand, which hurts, I still feel your love with me, and know that I am not alone.  When I look hard enough, I can find you.  Thought it often feels that way, I am not lost.  (not completely anyway)


P.S.  I Love You



  1. Debbie said,

    I hope you and Caia are feeling better, Chelsea. And congratulations on fixing the toilet and the fence! I always feel such great accomplishment when I do something that Austin would have automatically taken care of, and I know he’s cheering me on as Elias is cheering you on.

    Good luck with your business plan!

  2. LB said,

    i have a feeling i gave you and the girls a nasty bug.. and for that i am so sorry! i’m wishing you warm fuzzies and lots of luck with the business plan.. so excited to hear about the end results. xx lb

    • letterstoelias said,

      Not a worry, LB. If it wasn’t from you, it was from my Mom, or one of my friends who was also under the weather. It’s really going around so we were bound to get it. Besides, if it was from you, it was worth it to have had your visit!

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