January 30, 2010

It’s only a 2 minute drive

Posted in Uncategorized tagged at 5:54 pm by letterstoelias

You know it barely takes more than 5 minutes to get from one place to the next here.  From the bank to get dog food, maybe 2 minutes?  Why, therefore, did this song have to come on as soon as we got back in the car when leaving the bank?

I ‘sort of’ recognized the tune before the lyrics started, but didn’t fully realize what song it was until it was too late (as soon as I figured it out, I started to cry).  By the time we were at the point to turn in and get the dog food, I was way too teary to try and go inside.  Thankfully, since we live so close, we drove home (which is where I had happened to leave my credit card anyhow) and decided to walk with the girls in the wagon to get the food, which gave me a bit of time to recuperate (we really needed the food – we were pretty much right out).  It was drizzling lightly, but the girls looked pretty cute in the wagon with their umbrellas.  And, it was good to get the fresh air.

It’s a beautiful song, but it often made my cry even before you died (though in large part because it felt like foreshadowing for my future).  I haven’t been able to listen to it since – it sent me running from the room when it came on at my parents house just days after you died (funny, I had completely forgotten about that until now . . . . ).

Such is the life of a widow, I suppose.  I guess it’s time to just start driving with the radio off (though that wouldn’t have helped when I started crying the other day as an ambulance came up behind me with lights and sirens on a couple of blocks from the hospital you died in . . . ).


P.S.  I Love You



  1. Chelsea,
    I just wrote a too long reply to this post and it got erased when I pressed submit. I love computers! The boys are waiting to read with me so I’ll be quick, but I can totally relate this song taking your breath away and causing tears to flow. It played this week on my iPod, which I hadn’t listened to in weeks, and I hadn’t realized was on shuffle. Needlesst to say, I lost it when Luther started singing. I don’t even know why I had it on my iPod because it made me cry even long before Austin died. And I sure can relate to the sadness that comes from driving by the hospital where he died. Sigh…. Sure wish I could avoid that but I haven’t figure out how to get around the city without going by the hospital.

    It’s always so humbling when I realize that I’m not the only one feeling these emotions or reacting to certain sites or songs. Thank you for being my touchstone to sanity. Thinking of you,


  2. Roads said,

    I haven’t been able to listen to this song since Luther Vandross died in 2005. And to be honest, it was touch and go, well before then.

  3. SmileyGirl said,

    I’ve never heard this song until right now and it is beautiful. I have to say when I heard it I tried to think back to a wedding I went to with my Dad. I can’t remember one but I can remember other fun things. I lost my father from cancer when I was 12. It was a life altering experience, of course one that I would never wish on anyone, although I can’t say it didn’t make me a better person in the long run. I have an appreciation that others don’t. Your girls will be okay. They will be different, they won’t always understand, and it’s won’t be fair. But it will be. Unfortunately that will never change but they will be okay. And they won’t ever forget their Dad – even though they may not have actual memories of them, they will create ones based upon pictures and stories and the love around them. It will be very close to the real thing. You are doing so great and are such a great mom to them. {{Hugs}}

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thank you so much for the comment, and for sharing. And, I’m sorry for your loss.

      I find it helpful to hear from others who have experienced something similar, as the girls losing their Dad is one of the hardest things for me to accept out of all of this. It’s comforting to know that people can turn out okay. That was one of Elias’ biggest fears too, and I promised him that we would all be okay – it keeps me going.

      Thanks again for the boost!

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