March 13, 2010

Running on empty

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , , at 9:13 pm by letterstoelias

Where to begin?  It’s been so long since I’ve done much of an ‘update’ . . .

Well, the Olympics have come and gone.  The Paralympics have just begun and I’m glad some of that will be televised here for once.  I have to say, that though I still had concerns over many of the social/political/cost issues around the whole thing – in the end Canada shone like never before.

It had a rough start, but it really showcased the beauty of this part of the world, including the people, and Canadians came out to show pride in their country in a BIG way, which was great to see.  It wasn’t just because of the medal results – but the results were amazing too.  We won the most gold medals for a host country ever, the most gold medals for Canada ever, the most medals for Canada ever, the most gold medals for this Olympics and we had the third highest medal count overall.  Not too shabby.

I must admit, for the second week we were pretty much polarized by it all.  The girls have never watched that much tv in such a short period of time . . . but there was much to learn from it too.  Such an amazing showing of sportsmanship, talent and athleticism, pride in doing your best (even if you don’t get a gold medal), celebrating being Canadian.  Both the girls know Oh Canada pretty much off by heart now.  E has decided she wants to be a speed skater first, then an aerial ski jumper.  We’ll try to stick with speed skating.  That is always an exciting sport to watch – I remember how much you enjoyed it too.  I know you would have loved the whole thing.  Especially that game – beating the US in 4 on 4 sudden death overtime!  I could practically hear you screaming.

We didn’t spend all our time indoors during the games though.  Some days were too beautiful to ignore . . .

We spent some time looking for beach glass.  E remembered going to this beach with you and how you built the rock stack.  Unfortunately as we were talking about it when we arrived there, C misunderstood for a moment and kept asking if you were there.

C is loving her ballet class, and is one of the only kids who is ok having Mama outside of the room.  She’s very independent.

E had a great time in soccer, but the timing with her class and C’s ballet was a bit crazy, so I think we may wait until summer for the next round.  She seems to have some skills:

But hasn’t mastered them yet:

On the business side of things – there have been some ups and downs.  I’ve been having a tough time nailing down a lease space.  I fell in love with a space but it was a bit big, so I planned on sub-leasing with a friend who makes little girl’s dresses (at you can see the girls modeling debut).  I couldn’t seem to get the right forms to put an offer to lease in from the realtor, so contacted the landlord directly, only to find out that the space is no longer available.  =(.  So, I’ve moved on to another space in the same mall – only it needs a TONNE of work to fix it up.  The landlord is willing to put in a big chunk of that money if I’ll sign in for a longer lease, so that is in the works – but it’s taking time getting answers on some issues around that.  It’s very frustrating because the longer this goes on for, the longer it will be until I can open.  I’m lucky that Martin put me in contact with a friend of his over here who does contract work, and he’ll be able to do my floors and walls, and make a front counter for me too.  He’s an amazing artist as well – his work is like nothing I’ve ever seen – and I may have to save up a little money to get him to do a family portrait for us too.

Some exciting news is, the logo is ‘almost’ complete!  I registered it the other day (so I hope you like it).

As I mentioned the other day, the girls recouped from their stomach bug enough so that we were able to head to town last week on Friday to visit with my Sister and baby Penelope.  She is so lovely and sweet, and looks SO much like her big sister it’s amazing!  The girls were very excited and had a great time meeting their new little cousin.  It was nice that I got to come with my parents who helped out with the girls – and C decided that Papa was the only one allowed to take her in and out of her car seat.

We also managed to meet up with Martin briefly, and he gave me the first ‘vessel’, which is now complete.  It really is amazing, but I don’t have a photo to do it justice quite yet (not that a photo could do it justice, mind you), so I’ll try to get one soon.

Then, of course, it was E’s birthday – which neither of us got through without tears.  In the morning as I was making the waffles she asked if I could make one for you to put at the table.  I thought this was a very sweet thought, though heartbreaking all the same.  We did, and as we were sitting down to eat, the vacancy at the table was strongly noted.  I could see the sadness creeping up on E’s face.  We discussed how much you were missed, then as tears filled her eyes she started trying to get silly, trying to laugh, and exclaimed how her ‘eyes were watering’.  So, we cuddled and I told her that I miss you too, and our eyes ‘watered’ a bit together.

We had a number of phone calls throughout the morning to wish her a happy birthday – one of the first was your grandma singing to her, which was very sweet!  We heard from your parents who had recently returned home from a number of weeks away, including going to Australia to visit Peter, Ally and Cleo.  We were able to ichat with Anthony, and Peter called a little later in the day as well.  In the afternoon Buz, Sian and the boys came over to play and a little later my parents joined us for pizza, cupcakes, homemade ice-cream and even Shirley temples.  I must say, I was pretty pleased with how the cupcakes turned out (thanks mainly to my mom since I didn’t do much other than wrap the quarters and stick on legs and antennas) – and I’m pretty sure E liked them too.

She seemed nervous about blowing out the candle and made sure to ask Brandon for help.  And, of course when I later asked her what her wish was – it was for you to come back.  No five year old should have to use their birthday wish for their Daddy to come back.  Overall, I think she had a good day though, and I survived it too.

One of E’s gifts was a set of little golf clubs from – guess who?!?  You would get a kick out of them; they’re really cute – with a bag and all.  My parents took her out to the golf course for a bit already, as she was very excited to put them to use.  She had a really great time, and I think it was pretty fun for my parents too.

As for the rest of this week, aside from my stomach flu, or because of it, things have been fairly quiet – though with some help from my Mom I managed to finally paint the office (before I got sick) and put up the spare bed.  It’s also been spring break so no running around from class to class, which has been helpful.

I had a great sleep on Thursday and was feeling a bit better yesterday – your parents had planned to come for a visit today but plans changed late yesterday.  The girls had been really looking forward to the visit as it’s been some time since we’ve seen them, and though I had a bad sleep last night I didn’t want the girls to be cooped up alone with me all day again so we went out for most of the day – not necessarily great fun for them, mind you – we went from building store to building store to look at flooring, paint and shelving for my store.  But, for the most part they were great and we did stop at the beach for a bit and collected some seaweed.  By the time we got home though, I was exhausted and couldn’t muster much more than to lie on the couch and watch the girls play.

So, I guess that’s where the ‘update’ portion of things ends.  As of right now, I am tired.  And sad.  Feeling alone.  I miss you more than I could ever express.  My heart aches for you.  And I’m just so very tired.  Running on fumes.  With the last two weeks of the girls being sick, then me being sick – not wanting to spread germs to others – aside from a few breaks we’ve been keeping home most of the time, just the three of us.  And, maybe it’s because E just had her birthday, and maybe it’s because your birthday is coming up, and maybe it’s because the year anniversary of your death is just over a month away, and maybe it’s because I’m still not feeling 100% and am lacking in sleep because both the girls were up a few times during the night – everything feels so hard.  Like I can’t ‘give’ enough.  Not to the girls.  Not to the house.  Not to my work.  Not to what I want to do with the store.  Not to myself, and not to you.

Perhaps with a better sleep tonight (hopefully), things will be looking up a bit tomorrow.  I feel a bit like a turtle on it’s back.  I can see the things I want to get to but it’s all upside-down and my legs are just flailing in the air.  Maybe I’ll flip myself over one of these days . . .


P.S.  I Love You


1 Comment »

  1. Shannon Bond said,

    I love your photography and creativity! They are wonderful!
    Hope you are well on the mend from the flu.
    Make sure you post pics or a web site link for Giggles and Bloom. Will people be able to shop online? No stores where I live and my nephew and nieces live as remotely as I do but in Ontario so I have to be creative when buying their gifts.

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