April 1, 2010

It’s here

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , at 9:56 am by letterstoelias


This month has been staring me in the face for some time now.  And it’s here.  No ‘fools’ joke.  It’s here.

I know I’ve been uncharacteristically radio silent for a bit now.  It’s hard to explain how the past 10 days have been.  How I’m feeling these days.  And right now is not a good time to try to get into it as C is crying on the floor refusing to take off her night diaper and E is dancing around behind me singing in some foreign sounding language that I can only assume she picked up on the pre-school grounds (I think it’s from some freaky cartoon that she definitely doesn’t watch at home…).  One of the reasons her entry into kindergarten freaks me out.

C’s crying is developing into screaming (this is why I usually write at night) so my time here is limited, but I hope to write more tonight if I’m not too tired.  The last week has been extremely eventful, and the weekend will be busy with guests coming to help complete the arbour project – but I hope to write more about how the girls and I celebrated your birthday and where things are at with the store, among other things.

This past few weeks has been filled with memories of ‘A year ago’ as this was our last month together.  I also seem to be having the odd lapse where I almost ‘forget’ you are gone – which seems odd since it’s almost been a full year now.  You finally came to me in a dream again last night – something I have wanted again for so long – and even though it will never be enough it was wonderful to see you again.  Hold you.  Bury my face in your chest and cry, feeling your arms around me.  That’s about all I can remember of it right now, but it felt good.  That is, until you faded away and I realized that all my face was buried in was my pillow.

Hopefully I’ll write more tonight, if I can figure out the words….


P.S.  I Love You



  1. Thinking of you Chelsea and knowing some of what you are and will be feeling over the next 3 weeks. It’s hard, almost back to the beginning hard, but you will make it to the other side and we’ll be here holding you in our thoughts and prayers and sending you positive energy.

    I look forward to hearing about Elias’s birthday, the arbour and the store!

    Take care my friend,

    Love Deb

  2. Dan said,

    Definitely an emtionally challenging time.

    I keep you in my thoughts.


  3. Kristin said,

    I understood every word of this post. Even the “if I could figure out the words”. My July will be your April and I dread that month, I can only imagine how you feel having yours here. Surreal isn’t it, to think it’s almost been an entire year? Stay strong. Carry on. Keep blogging. And we’ll be here cheering you on.

  4. […] was like big wet kisses.  The wind was tickles, or hugs.  And so on.  Perhaps this is why in my dream last night you came ‘swooping’ down from the sky.  I just wish I could remember more of it.  I know you […]

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