October 13, 2011

A Breath Away

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , at 9:36 pm by letterstoelias

The other night as I was putting the girls to bed, after the lights were out and we were all laying quietly, I could hear E breathing in an odd manner – not bad, just playing around it seemed.

I looked over at her – it was dark but our twilight ladybug was shining the constellations on the walls, and it was just enough light to see her.  She had a hand a few inches in front of her mouth and was breathing on it.  I asked her why, and she said she wanted to feel how far her breath went.  Of course I asked again why, and she said,

“Because that’s how far away Daddy is.”

After the happy shock wore off, I smiled and let the warmth, sincerity, and truth of her beautiful words sink in.

She said she remembered it from a song lyric I had played for her once.  I told her I was so glad she understood it, and asked her what song it was.  She couldn’t remember much other than “A breath away” maybe with “from you” or “from where you are”?

I spent about the next hour or so googling song lyrics with those words, and the closest I could find was the Josh Groban song, ‘To Where You Are’.  I don’t doubt she’s heard it as her Nana is a big fan.  I’ve been known to like a few of his songs and likely listened to this one before, but as the lyrics are quite a trigger for me I know I haven’t listened to it in ages.  I played it for her, but she said that wasn’t it.

I can’t seem to find any others (though there is an Enya song with a lyric about being a ‘heartbeat away’ . . . I’ll have to play her that one and see)

She struggles with her loss, though she tries to hide it.  It’s not constant, but it’s there.  She has expressed interest in talking to someone about it, so plans are in place.  Even though it will never be the same as having her Daddy here, I hope she believes her words as much as I do . . .

And, here is the Josh Groban song (ironically someone made a video to it with scenes from the movie P.S. I Love You)

~C~

P.S.  I Love You

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4 Comments »

  1. megan said,

    ironically…..

  2. Jodi said,

    I love Josh Groban. Jason even bought me tickets to one of his concerts. Ironically, he died listening to it as I played it all night for him. I must have listened to that song a zillon times afterwards. It’s on my blog (www.gilrays.blogspot.com – not updated in years and I need your email if you want to read it). I even announced his death with the words “a breath away”. Thanks for the reminder of this song as I haven’t heard it for over a year. Eibhlin is amazing and has such a wonderful outlook on life.

  3. Anonymous said,

    I happened to stumble upon your blog tonight and am glad that I did. It can be a challenge living without someone in your life- someone you’ve lost- and I’m grateful for your willingness to be a support to others. I’m not sure if these are the lyrics you were searching for or not, but have you tried the song A Little Fall of Rain (I think that’s what its called) from Les Miserables- it has “a breath away from where you are” in its lyrics…

    • letterstoelias said,

      Greetings, and thanks for the comments about the blog. One of the reasons I’ve kept writing is in hopes that it may be of some support to others, so that means a great deal.

      I thought about the Little Fall of Rain when my daughter made the comment – I love the song though it chokes me up every time I hear it now – but I’m not sure that would be it only because I don’t ‘think’ she hasn’t heard that song . . . though I could be wrong =)

      ~C~


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