April 20, 2012

The Tree – Take 2

Posted in Uncategorized tagged , , at 3:19 pm by letterstoelias

Last year, on the same day, I wrote a post about a tree.

A tree I bought to plant in our front garden in memory of Elias.  A weeping Japanese cheery, filled with symbolism.  My initial hope was to have a group of Elias’ family together to plant it with me – but when it turned out only the one Aunt and her family were going to make the trip over, I decided to plant it on my own in the middle of the night instead.

I’m sure I blogged about the comedy of errors that occurred during that (my dog escaping at 3am and wandering off into the night), but the tree was planted.

I enjoyed looking at it so much over the next weeks – but as time went on, it wasn’t looking so good.  Understandable for it to lose it’s blossoms soon after, but the leaves seemed to go a little too soon.  I just got the feeling I didn’t quite plant it right.  Perhaps I didn’t water it enough?

Sure enough, the tree started to look like it was not going to survive.  I spoke with someone from the garden centre, and on their suggestion, tried to dig it up, break up the root ball more (I don’t believe I did that at all the first time around) and replant it.  This didn’t seem to work, but I wanted to give it time.

I look at it out the window every day, and as we pull out of the driveway.  As spring approached, I’ve been watching it and hoping.  Hoping that I’d see the slightest sign of a bud.  A leaf.  Anything.  But, there’s been nothing.  I can scrape the trunk and find a little green, but the branches are completely brittle and snap off under a tiny amount of pressure.

I finally decided to come to terms that it has died.  Now, looking at the tree just makes me sad.

I needed to go back to the garden store today for dog food.  I went through their trees, hoping -once again – to find the same tree.  No such luck there either.

They have one that is similar, mind you.  Bigger (and therefore a little more $$).  But, another Japanese weeping cherry.  Not the same, delicate white blossoms.  These are pink and much more ‘full’ looking.  Different leaves.  But, it’s still beautiful and has the same meaning, even if not exactly what I was looking for.

My problem is this – do I try again?  I’m clearly no expert at gardening.  I haven’t taken any time to prep anything.  Is the same thing going to happen again?

I’d really love to have it there.  Something to look at out the window and smile at – seeing it’s beauty in memory of Elias.  The kind man at the garden store suggested finding another tree that blooms at the same time of year that may be easier/more hardy.  But I’m stuck on the weeping cherry.  I know Elias loved magnolias, and they blossom now – but they planted one of those at the school for him.

My brain is not functioning well these days.  The weight of the weekend is heavy.  Seeing his memoriam in the paper today sent me to tears (even though I know the photo and words well as I submitted both).  But the suffocating pain of losing Elias is palpable.  I try to remind myself how the ‘lead up’ is always worse than the day – but somehow knowing that still doesn’t change how I feel.

Will the tree help?  Even if I do end up killing it again in time?  I wish I knew…


P.S.  I Love You



  1. megan said,

    get the tree, love. get the tree, and plant again, and see.

    And, to throw in a little practical tree planting advice… read here http://www.fedcoseeds.com/trees/planting_guide.htm#seven
    Tree planting is an artform in itself.

  2. JJ said,

    I was home last week to fine out that the vine my mom brought back to life is slowly wilting away 😦 I was devastated. Our help is trying to revive it now but I do not know if it will survive. You raised a good point when you pondered whether the tree will help heal the wounds. I, too, do not know the answer and I just realized that now. How will I move up everyday knowing that there’s something physical of her with me, in our home?….My mom loved that little vine. It was given to her a sort of dead branch that she nourished to health until it grew and filled up the trellis in the backyard with lots of tiny pink and wonderfully smelling flowers. I will try to do the same.

  3. Anne said,

    Today’s ‘the day’. I’m thinking of you and your girls and sending you strength, hope and love.

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