Who am I?

Copy of European Vacation 191

Summer ’08 – A lifetime ago

Currently, first and foremost I am ‘Mama’.  I used to also hold the cherished title of wife, soulmate & best friend to the love of my life and my husband Elias, who passed away on April 22nd, 2009 from a brain tumour.  Since he’s not here to talk with any longer I’ve taken to writing him letters as I try to figure out my new life without him.

 

 

 

As a side note – the blog is titled ‘P.S. I Love You’ because this is how I signed letters/notes/cards/anything to Elias from the time we started dating in 1996, not because of the movie.  I have not actually seen the movie – though I am gradually discovering some similarities as I only just discovered that in the movie the husband also died of a brain tumour. . . . strange.  Maybe I should see it.

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23 Comments »

  1. Shannon Bond said,

    I’m humbled and grateful you are doing this Chelsea and allowing us to follow along the journey. Hopefully, though it won’t ease the pain, it will remind you how many people think of you and the girls often.

    Gorgeous photos! Priceless commando shot!!

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thanks Shannon,

      I do appreciate you following along – and thanks also for adding my quote to the paper recently. I enjoyed seeing my words there and was honoured. I don’t know if it helped with the call volume about the construction delays, but I hope some people picked up on the general message anyhow. Thanks for continuing to keep us in your thoughts.

      ~C~

  2. Corilee said,

    What lovely words you’ve written for Elias. It is good to know that you are able to be honest about your feelings and emotions and can express them in your blog.

    If there is anything at all that you need please be in touch!

    xxx

  3. sky scofield said,

    Hey chels

    this is beautiful what youre doing… I really do think he reads these wherever he is and just know i miss you guys so much.. it still feels like yesturday! stay strong and all anyone can do is try!!

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thanks Sky and Corilee,

      I appreciate your comments and your support. It goes a long way.

      ~C~

  4. I am so glad you started this blog it is wonderful. I look forward to your posts they are so beautifully written. Keep it up Chelsea!!! Thanks for sharing Kim

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thanks so much Kim,

      I appreciate your support and friendship. I hope to see you guys more this summer,
      ~C~

  5. Yvonne said,

    I was brought to your story when searching for the lyrics of “p.s I love you” sung by Diana Krall, after watching the movie that shares the same title.
    You and your story made the emotions reach to a deeper me who had not believed in lifetime love and now will embrace life with more passion and courage wherever it will take me.
    a sincere greeting to your family.

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thank you so much for your beautiful words Yvonne – comments like this mean a great deal to me. I’m glad you found my site, even if by accident, and I’m really glad to know it touched you in that way.

      All the best,
      ~C~

  6. Chelsea, I just found you from you having linked to me, and I’ve been sitting here reading of you, and the girls, and Elias and your life together. It’s so different, what you’ve been through, compared to my own journey. But still enough of a shock that I feel some kind of kinship.. and I’m so honoured that anything I might have written resonated with you.

    So I’ll say I’m just sitting here thinking of you. Just sitting with you tonight. xo

    • letterstoelias said,

      Kate – and you know so well how much something as ‘simple’ as that can mean. Thank you.

      It’s true, our experiences are completely different – each loss is an individual experience – however, our losses were each of great magnitude and the grief that comes along with that is intense. Grief that affects your daily life to such an extreme, who you are as a person, how others perceive your actions and the way they interact with you, ‘simultaneously feeling lost and found’ – it’s a tricky business. There is a level of understanding here. We cannot compare, yet in not trying to, we can connect.

      Your words are amazing, heartbreaking, uplifting, beautiful. What a wonderful gift to your sons – all three of them. Though I loved it all, what stuck with me the most in that post, I think, was when you wrote that you asked yourself ‘how did I get here’ as you watched your son’s ashes swirl in the eddy, and you heard, ‘because you were my mother’. From where I sit now, I can see the brown cardboard box containing what is physically left of a man I loved, the shoulders that caught my tears, the arms that wrapped around me, the smile that warmed my heart, the hands that held me, lips that kissed me, the eyes that knew all there was to know about me – and I can think that they are with me now, because I was his wife. And lucky to have been so.

      ~C~

  7. I chanced upon your blog because somebody who reads it left a comment on mine. It’s hard to know what to say but your writing is beautifully moving and an acute reminder of how important it is to appreciate everything while you have it. That’s all I came to say really.

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thank you Mr London Street – for taking the time to read and for your comment. It means a lot to hear that.

      Elias and I were lucky enough to reach a place of true appreciation for eachother and all we had before he died. It was important to both of us to share that with others.

      Really, that is one of the reasons I keep writing. Perhaps the message from me comes across a little different now than it did before he died, but I’m glad to know it’s still heard.

      Cheers,
      ~C~

  8. Great job chelsea!! can’t believe you of all people,deathly afraid of needles could go through with it!! looks great, i love that Elias’ writing is on there, perfect! its so nice to see the pictures of the girls, i can’t believe how much they have grown since summer!! just wanted to say hello, please let us know the next time you guys are here, love to see you all, Hugs- traci

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thanks so much Traci,

      Yes – I had two home births in part to avoid needles, am terrified of the H1N1 vaccine, yet a tattoo is no problem . . . .

      I really hope to be able to see you guys again soon – we’ll definitely let you know next time we’re in town for a get together as we would love to see you all too. The clothes for the girls from you and Sue have been such a huge help, so thanks for that as well. I also wanted to let you know how much I appreciate a comment you made a few months back – it has been on my mind so much – you stated something along the lines of the fact that with true friendship, it doesn’t matter if you see each other every day, week, month, year – it’s what is in your heart that counts. You are a true friend.
      ~C~

  9. Bridie said,

    Hi Chels,

    I wanted to drop you a quick note to and say how much I wish we could be there with you right now. I know you’ve had many a tough “anniversary” since Elias died, but I can only imagine that this night might be particularly difficult for you. I want you to know we’re thinking of you both tonight.

    Love, Bridie and John

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thanks so much Bri – I appreciate it.

      I didn’t see your note until after I just wrote my last post, but you are right, this night is particularly tough. For once, I’ll be going to bed early. Really early. Knowing you are ‘here’ with me does help (even if not physically).

      Love you lots,
      ~C~

  10. hi chelsea, just thinking of you tonight, you are doing such a great job with the girls ..and yourself making it through. I can’t imagine what is actually going on, even though your posts keep us up to date, i bet there is so much more. i’m so proud of your accomplishments, how hard they must be. Just wanted to send you hugs … i hope we can get together soon.. i really admire your strength through what must just be pure hell. you truly are an inspiration.. sending a ton of love. Traci

    • letterstoelias said,

      Hi Traci,

      It’s so nice to hear from you – and thank you so very much for your kind words . . . it means a lot. I was just thinking of you guys the other day and how great it would be to see you again soon. I’ll definitely let you know the next time I come. Maybe when the weather gets better I can get you guys over here too! =)
      ~C~

  11. traci debaughn said,

    Chelsea that tribute was beautiful!! thank you for sharing everything, it must be so hard. I think about you and your family alot. I am so proud of everything you have done, i don’t think i would ever have the strength or courage to persevere, like you do, we need to get together soon. You are doing an amazing job with the girls, Elias would be proud! We miss you and are wanting to see you soon, lots of hugs and kisses to you all…………..Traci

  12. Marianne Foo said,

    You are such a great lady and Im sure you are such a great mum to your two lovely daughters! I hope you writing and expressing your thoughts makes you feel better. I will continue reading ur posts and I hope ur journey with ur girls will continue to blossom and grow .

    Hugs

    • letterstoelias said,

      Thanks so much for your kind words, Marianne. Writing does help – I never know who’s reading it, but it feels good to get it out – and it’s nice to hear from people such as yourself.

      Take care,
      ~C~

  13. Boo Mayhew said,

    Hi Chelsea, it was wonderful to meet you at Camp Widow. Please can you add me as a friend on Facebook? My name on there is Margo Mayhew xxx


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